dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
