I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
