he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
