We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I could fuck to npr.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
