I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
