Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
