I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
