You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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