Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
