So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
