You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
