Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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