ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
