3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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