some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
