cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
