i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
