Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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