Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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