The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
