I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
