Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
