I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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