I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
