I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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