we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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