god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
