using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
