Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
