Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
