And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
COCAINE IS GR8
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
