note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
