Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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