Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
