I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
