how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
