Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
