jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
