did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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