its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
