All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
