How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
