I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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