Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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