Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
