Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
