he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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