That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
