Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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