What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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