meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
