Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
