Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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