he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
