The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
