weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I want is dick and wine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
