i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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